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The Perfect Whole

“Beauty through my senses stole / I yielded myself to the perfect whole.”

Does anyone else find themselves increasingly disinterested in buying or picking flowers, only to watch them lose their luster, cloistered from the sun and the rain? During the angst of 2020, I read a poem by my man Ralph Waldo Emerson that spoke to this preference to immerse myself in Nature, rather than to package her up and take her home. In “Each and All”, he speaks of capturing the bird from the forest, and removing the shell from the shore, only to realize that — without the context of their natural surroundings — they suddenly please him less.

Around this time, I spotted an enormous, beautiful maple leaf on the grounds of the Virginian countryside resort where Chuck and I spent our 10-year wedding anniversary. It was glistening from a recent rain shower. I picked it up and brought it to our room, then went about my day. Hours later, it had dried and sat looking lonely and crispy on the bedside table. Removed from the lush, dewy grass, the cool, misty air, it had suddenly lost its magic. I thought of Emerson’s poem, then.

I haven’t picked a flower or brought a seashell home since! These days, I prefer to meet them where they are – in the wild 🙂 

Nothing is fair or good alone.
I thought the sparrow’s note from heaven,
Singing at dawn on the alder bough;
I brought him home, in his nest, at even;
He sings the song, but it pleases not now,
For I did not bring home the river and sky; —
He sang to my ear, — they sang to my eye.
The delicate shells lay on the shore;

The bubbles of the latest wave
Fresh pearls to their enamel gave;
And the bellowing of the savage sea
Greeted their safe escape to me.
I wiped away the weeds and foam,
I fetched my sea-born treasures home;
But the poor, unsightly, noisome things
Had left their beauty on the shore,
With the sun, and the sand, and the wild uproar.

Beauty through my senses stole;
I yielded myself to the perfect whole.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Food for Thought

I have some thoughts to process here in my little corner about how people say vegans push their views down other peoples throats, or that we should “live and let live” …

The way I see it: the things I share to advocate for a plant-based diet aren’t belief systems or opinions. They aren’t gods I’m trying to say are real or theories I’m trying to prove. They are a set of facts that, unfortunately, are difficult to accept because they require so much personal change and accountability. I know this because it took many years to accept it all myself, and I disliked the cognitive dissonance that vegans brought about in me. So, I get it.

That all said, it ended up being highly effective…

  • It is a fact that animal agriculture contributes vastly to greenhouse gas emissions, deforestation, water pollution, oceanic dead zones, and the decline of biodiversity.
  • It is a fact that it increases our risk of antibiotic resistance and zoonotic, pandemic disease.
  • It is a fact that the majority of crops grown worldwide are used to feed livestock rather than humans, and that our animal product-heavy diets are major contributors to some of our most significant killers (heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers.)
  • And, it is a fact that millions of animals suffer and die DAILY – in the US alone – for their decaying carcasses to end up on our plates.

The only opinions here are whether you think these things are good and justified, or if they are bad and should be addressed… If we should perpetuate the status quo, or if we should do whatever we can (within our means) to reduce, mitigate, or stop these realities.

These are problems we can actually do something about, beyond hashtags and financial donations.

Still, I struggle with the knowledge that I’m probably disliked for my advocacy. And I’m not sure what to do about it.

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Paris (,etc.) is Always a Good Idea

Once upon a time I lived in California and befriended a beautiful moon goddess named Selene. She had never been to France, while it’s one of my favorite places. We would get together and swap travel stories and say, “one day, we will visit Paris together!”

Of course, friends say things like that all the time. I figured such a plan would likely never come to fruition, and wouldn’t have thought any the less of her because of it.

Time passed and the military took me away from sunny SoCal, and away from Selene. We kept in touch while I launched my new life in DC, and remained connected as we faced our respective struggles in 2020. Then, in summer 2021, Selene called and made the most exciting proposition.

“Let’s go to Paris! This summer, before COVID gets bad again. Seriously. I’m down, if you are.”

I was so excited and so down! But I was also so newly pregnant that I hadn’t told anyone yet – so I made my big reveal and asked if she was still interested in going with someone who couldn’t so readily imbibe in vin and fromage. Turns out she’s an excellent sport and wasn’t bothered in the slightest.

COVID counts were in a lull, and international travel less daunting, so we lost no time in booking a week in France, with a few days in Paris and a few days in dreamy Provence ❤

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Making Up for Lost Time

So, do we think that being preggers in 2021 stopped me from trying to make up for freedom lost in 2020?

Not on your life, Kittens!

Although the specter of Covid-19 continued to loom, I took full advantage of the relative summertime lull and did what I could to salvage the lost opportunities of the last year.

I didn’t make it to Jamaica, Tanzania, or Norway, but Puerto Rico, France, and Cape Cod made for some truly excellent consolation prizes (even if I couldn’t so freely indulge in beachside mojitos, Provençal wines, or raw oysters.)

Let me tell you about it!

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Summer Sprouting

No, Hell didn’t freeze over, nor can pigs fly… but this summer, Chuck and I learned that we are expecting a baby boy in February!

Although this was a planned pregnancy, I think we managed to surprise just about everyone. My uncertainty over the years about having children is not exactly a secret, and although I never said “never”, I think most assumed that by this point — 11 years married — that ship had likely sailed.

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New Loves

I posted this image mostly because I love squirrels.

This is a rather new found love. Although I’ve always been an animal lover overall, squirrels didn’t necessarily make the cut at the top five — or even top ten — of animals with which I thought I would form a special bond. This is due in part to the fact that the last few places I lived, squirrels weren’t a part of the surrounding fauna. Here in the big city, they’re basically the entirety of local wildlife, and I can’t tell you how much joy they’ve brought me in this depressing year.

I also posted this image because the text is true. In fact, it’s underselling the extent to which I have blessings to count. This year has been hard for all of us, but my blessings are large and abundant. Not even remotely small.

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Why I Didn’t Commemorate 9/11 This Year

On September 11, 2001, I was a junior in high school in Washington, DC. I had second period free, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to think much of it when the fire alarm suddenly rang as I caught up on homework by my locker on the Pink Floor.

As the students gathered on the lawn, in accordance with our standard fire drill practice, I got my first inkling that something might actually be wrong: the Headmistress never participates in fire drills. What is she doing here? And why isn’t she smiling?

In the moments that followed her brief comments about what was happening in New York City, our lives — and the world at large — changed forever. We went on lockdown as the Pentagon was struck, and we comforted each other as we worried for parents and watched the smoke rise in the distance. Which target might be next? How were we going to get to our homes? When would phones work again so we could check in with loved ones?

I don’t need to recap that day any further. We all had similar experiences – especially those of us who were in DC or NYC. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

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Morning Lark

I recently learned a rather poetic way of describing morning people vs. night people – are you an owl, or are you a lark?

While I’m not quite a night owl these days, I always wished I was a morning lark. I do enjoy mornings – once I’m already up. I struggle to get myself out of bed, and for no good reason. I get plenty of sleep, have very little to burden me in terms of responsibilities (i.e., no kids or dogs), and overall I am a healthy person. But when that alarm goes off, I just want to snooze some more. Five more minutes please!

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Starfish Wishes & Mermaid Kisses

It’s cliché but true – the ocean does wonders for both the body and soul.

When I lived in California, Okinawa, and North Carolina, I knew I took it for granted that I lived by the sea. I knew I would miss it when it was gone. I always appreciated it, and realized how special it was, but by the time I hit the one-year mark of living in DC, I was craving salty air and sandy toes something fierce.

Of course, the global pandemic has made every potential getaway more complicated and guilt-ridden than before. But when Chuck’s parents said they wanted us to join them for a few days in Kill Devil Hills, NC – and promised they felt comfortable exposing themselves to our cooties to such a degree – of course I jumped at the chance to escape.

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Earth-Proud, by Emerson

One of my favorite quotes of all time is by my man, Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Earth laughs in flowers.” You can find it all over my social media profiles, and I even considered getting it tattooed somewhere on my body, I love it that much.

I’m sure no one is surprised, given my incessant floral photography and love for both Earth and laughter. I don’t even know how I found it, originally – probably on Pinterest, or something extra #basic like that. Although I knew it was an Emerson gem, I had only ever seen it standing alone — never within the context of a larger piece of writing. Until now!

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