Rants

Stop Saying “I Have a Boyfriend”

“Male privilege is “I have a boyfriend” being the only thing that can actually stop someone from hitting on you because they respect another male-bodied person more than they respect your rejection/lack of interest.”

“This amazingly puts into one sentence what I have been attempting to explain to ex-boyfriends and friends (male and female) for years, mostly unsuccessfully. The idea that a woman should only be left alone if she is “taken” or “spoken for” (terms that make my brain twitch) completely removes the level of respect that should be expected toward that woman.”

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Great article. Men are not entitled to grab/touch/creep/assume as they please just because you are single, and I don’t want to mislead them into thinking that the only reason I am not welcoming their advances is because I am married. “No thanks” means “no thanks.” “Don’t touch” means “don’t touch.” It’s pretty simple, really…

Stop Saying “I Have a Boyfriend”

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How I’ve learned to make the most of friendship…

It seems as though a lot of my fellow Tumblies are dealing with loneliness, and the depression that comes with loneliness. They wish they had more friends, and more things to do on the weekends. They wonder if it’s them, or if it’s the world around them. I’ve been on both sides of the popularity spectrum – the smart nerd with no friends, and the social butterfly with tons of friends – and I can safely say that both experiences were isolating in their own way. I felt bad about myself (and in some cases, about those around me too) in both scenarios. Even when I had lots of friends, I still often felt very alone.

I think this means that what it all really boils down to is the relationship you have with yourself – which, of course, is a continual work in progress for most of us. I know it’s cliche, but I think it’s true. The more I enjoy time with myself (which I like now more than I ever used to), the more I enjoy time with other people, and appreciate what we bring to each other’s lives.

I am more comfortable these days with some of the deeper aspects of myself, and the obstacles I face. As I get better at that, it matters less to me how many or how few friends I have, or how many options of things to do I have on the weekends, whereas before, I was rather defined by my social life (or lack thereof.) If you put that much stock in what other people can do for you, they will always disappoint you (and you will continue to disappoint yourself..)

I am probably not making much sense – and I don’t by any means want to take away from the incredible value of friendship – but this is just random food for thought on a lazy Saturday evening, as I read what some others are going through…

Leave Kitty Alone!

This kind of stuff really gets my goat! I am seeing it everywhere – this mission to convince cat owners that their beloved fur babies don’t REALLY love you as much as we’d like to think. I get that it’s all a part of the age-old, semi-good-natured cats vs. dogs debate, but I just want to rant about how wrong it is anyway.

First off – I watched the video on the study done that shows dogs miss you and fawn over you after a brief absence, while a cat doesn’t seem to care. All this proves is that cats are more independent and less needy than dogs. That’s not to say dogs are bad – everyone loves that kind of adoration – but for goodness sake, it doesn’t mean your cat doesn’t love you. It just has less separation anxiety because it’s a more mature and self sufficient animal. Having been away from my cat anywhere between 8 to 72+ hours, she is ALWAYS there to greet me at the door with a pleasant chirp, soft affection, and better yet, NO slobber… even when her food dish is full!!

She missed me, dammit.

Second – anyone who thinks that dogs don’t love you for the food has clearly never had a dog. I grew up with a wonderful golden retriever whom I loved dearly, but I swear, that dog would have taken food from me even if I was starving to death. Dogs beg for food more than cats do! Dogs rely on humans for food more than cats do!! My dog would wake me up for food and interrupt my TV show for food and get me out of my death bed for food! Far more obsessive than any cat I’ve ever had. Sheesh.

So, as always, my disclaimer is thus: even though I am a self-professed crazy cat lady, I LOVE dogs. I grew up with them. I don’t think they are inferior to cats. They are just different. But all the cat hate irks me! Stop spreading untruths!

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…But on a lighter (or at least more thoughtful!) note…

While I was puking my guts out Monday night into Tuesday morning, I took a moment to Google some tips on relief. The first several links were – sadly – all about how to deal with cancer and chemotherapy. It gave me a serious wake-up call in the midst of my self-pity… I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, and again, and again… I am SO thankful for a healthy body.

I’ve always wished and prayed for health and happiness – for myself, for my loved ones, for everyone! I think those are the two most important things. But in that moment (I’m sure exaggerated by the situation in which I found myself), I decided that if I had to choose one, it would be health. Not that happy people are always healthy, or unhealthy people always unhappy, but happiness is so much more difficult to achieve if your body (and mind) won’t cooperate. All I could think about were the cancer patients reading the same links I was reading. All I could think about was my mother, homeless on that freezing cold night. I had it damn good, curled up in the loving embrace of my porcelain potty.

Freedom from disease of the body and of the mind is a beautiful thing. It’s so much more difficult to pursue happiness if you don’t have that. I hope I never take my freedom for granted.

A Christmas apology, and the seeds of hope

“I’m sorry that this season has become about fights over manger scenes on public property, about complaining when clerks say, “Happy Holidays,” instead of “Merry Christmas,” about rampant commercialism and faux persecution.

I’m sorry that Christians in the United States can be so entitled when we’ve long enjoyed majority status, when we can be so blind to our own privilege…

It is ironic, really, because in the church calendar, the seasons of Advent and Christmas call us to reflect upon and celebrate what Christians believe was the most radical act of humility of all time – the incarnation…

The doctrine of the incarnation holds that the God of the universe, in his love for humanity, emptied himself of his power and became human, like us, in the form of Jesus…”

Great article to read in its entirety, regardless of your personal belief system.

A Christmas apology, and the seeds of hope

“My son is mentally ill, so listen up!” Putting the nation’s spotlight on mental illness…

“The only time mental illness dominates the national conversation is when something goes tragically wrong. But the dialogue doesn’t last. It gets buried under arguments about gun control, video game violence, and unheeded signs of trouble... ‘There are tragedies that happen every day in this country because people are untreated for mental illness. They end up in jails, in homeless shelters – and families are torn apart.’ … It frays bonds, breaks up marriages. It steals hope.”

Good read.

“My son is mentally ill, so listen up!” Putting the nation’s spotlight on mental illness…

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In the midst of the media (left and right) spewing about beer cans, controversies & nontroversies, Santa penguins, and the legalities of babies in mangers, I just want to offer a simple reminder to get back to the basics and avoid the drama. Live and let live. Enough with the mockery. Be a good human this holiday season!

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thecarolinawife:

I have to avoid the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and social media every year because people are so damn stupid and insensitive.

I want to punch every single person in the face who says that they need to eat a cheeseburger.

Or if they say that “real women” have curves.

No boobs. No curves. Middle finger up. Still a real woman.

Women need to stop body-shaming each other. We are all “real women” and come in various shapes and sizes. Just be HAPPY and HEALTHY! We should all know what that means for ourselves.